Did I do this Surrender Thing Right?

I’ve heard the stories all growing up, and I just heard one again: a girl graduated, longed to get married, struggled with her singleness, and nothing happened. She gave it over to the Lord, and almost instantly, there was a guy for her and they became engaged.

I believe the stories, I do. But there is a small part of me that says, “But God, didn’t I surrender the whole marriage thing before, and nothing happened?” And it makes me doubt the sincerity of my own walk with God. Maybe I didn’t really surrender. Maybe I was just going through the motions and didn’t really mean the words that bled in my heart.

Because when we hear glowing testimonies of these young girls who gave it all over to God and their dreams were answered, we (some who have been single for almost three decades) seem to have done something wrong while these young brides figured it out. I’ve surrendered the perceived need to have a boyfriend or be married dozens of times, and it has never resulted in God providing me a guy.

The bottom line is: that’s not how God works. What God does in one individual’s lives is not the pattern for what He will do in all people’s lives.

Just think of the love stories in the Bible. Rebekah and Isaac’s story was vastly different from Jacob and Rachel’s, which differed from Boaz and Ruth’s, which was different than David and Abigail’s (or David and Bathsheba’s—if we’re going to look at historical accuracy and not try to sanitize stories for our benefit).

Going beyond marriage, which two characters in the Bible lived the same life? Joseph followed God and it ended with him in a dungeon for years before he was second-in-command. Daniel followed God and he ended in the lions’ den. David followed God and it ended in kingship. Job followed God and it brought him through a time of great trial and temptation before he was restored that which he had lost. Paul followed God and he lived a life of persecution yet rich blessings from fellow believers (tossed in the midst of those who also abandoned him).

Following God will never be identical for two people’s lives.

2 Corinthians 10:12 exhorts us, “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”

To compare my path with another girl’s is to be foolish. To measure how I’m following God with how another person follows God is unwise. To hold up the “end results” of two people’s lives and realize they are different does not mean that one followed God right and the other did not. Because God has a greater purpose than what we can see with our eyes. He knows each and every heart and He knows each and every path. He knows what is best—and He also knows that what is best for one individual at one age is not what is best for another individual at another age.

My responsibility is to not look at the results and determine whether or not I followed God, because I don’t know what those results should actually be. My responsibility is to trust in God with all my heart, to lean not on my own understanding. My responsibility is to acknowledge God in all my ways—for then He directs my path. My responsibility is to not be wise in my own eyes, but to be sure that today I am fearing God and departing from evil. And when I am sure I’m doing my responsibility, I can trust God with all the results—because He’s promised to take care of His end of the deal.

If you’re the single who has truly and honestly surrendered to God’s will for her life, don’t be discouraged. God accepted that surrender and He is blessing you with the path of singleness—because He sees all your needs, not just your perceived need for a husband.

If you’re one of those girls who surrendered then God provided a husband, rejoice in how He has led you, but do not hold your life as the standard for everyone else to follow. Yes, they need to surrender, but if God doesn’t bless them with a husband at the end of their surrender, it doesn’t mean they did something wrong. It just means God has a different path for them to walk, different lives for them to touch, different roles for them to fulfill.

Trust God and leave the results up to Him.

Announcing... Wedding Score!

Most girls dream of their wedding days. Except me. I’m too busy practicing piano to be the live soundtrack for everyone else’s weddings to think about my own. I’ve survived most of my twenties with harmonious chords and pleasant days. So why is it that now, at twenty-seven, a discordant feeling presents itself? Is there a solid solution to loneliness when there is absolutely no potential husband on the horizon?

I am beyond excited to announce a new project: "Wedding Score." When a writer writes, they put a little of themselves in each story. I did with the entire Tales of Faith series. With other short stories I've written. But nothing comes from the depths of my heart like this one. Pianist? Yep. Single? Check. Struggling with contentment? Been there, done that. I have yearned to write this story since 2016, but the timing was never right. Today, the timing is right.

After having four siblings and countless cousins and friends marry, there have been so many lessons God has taught me in the singleness journey. Yet, if you look at bookshelves, you really don't find many stories about that. They're about finding the one true love. Falling in love. But what about staying content when there really isn't hope on the horizon? When you really don't know what the future holds--staying single or getting married? What then? This is the message I explore in my upcoming novella and I look forward to sharing it with the world in October, Lord willing!

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"Wherever You Lead ... but There...."

There is something alluring about sharing the Gospel with the heathen in Africa (or Europe or South America, etc.), smuggling Bibles, working in closed countries, boldly standing in courtrooms, translating God's Word, preaching to thousands, seeing souls changed by hundreds.

But what about washing dishes, praying, loving our family, serving our church, ministering where we cannot be seen? Even as I write this list, I feel my heart deflating a little. Washing dishes? What is that compared to handing a Bible to a hungry soul? Staying with my family? What about being a "mom" to some orphans out there in a remote orphanage?

We say, "Lord, I'll follow You wherever You lead," but do we truly mean it?

Africa - "Yes, Lord, I'll go there."

Stay home - "Um, I think You got things wrong here. That's not ministry."

China - "Ah! Yes, Lord, I'll go there."

Pray - "Pray? Really. That's not doing something for Christ's kingdom!"

And He said to them all, If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, 

and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. 

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: 

but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. 

(Luke 9:23-24)

"Oh yes, Lord, I'll do that ... but the cross must look like ministry in my eyes. If I am to lose my life, it must be burying myself in some foreign country, not in piles of laundry."

How do we view "taking up our cross?" Does it really mean following Christ -- or following our preconceived ideas of "what this cross looks like?"

If the cross leads somewhere exciting ... somewhere "going" ... somewhere "doing" ... yes, we're willing to go, to follow. But what if that path leads somewhere that looks very un-ministry? Are we submitted to God's guidance -- or the guidance of our ideals?

We can spiritualize the paths we want to take. Desiring to be a missionary, pastor, orphanage worker, or participating in some other visible ministry is not bad -- in fact, they are all Scriptural. But just because we want to do it does not mean we're following God, taking up our cross, and denying selves. For some people, staying home and washing dishes takes more self-denial than the excitement of going out of country for ministry. Following God will not always look like some grand adventure, because God doesn't measure our service by actions but by obedience and submission.

I am not trying to be anti-missions/ministry here. I am all about mission-work. I love the missionaries and ministries I know and fully support them, whether they be home or abroad. Jesus said to pray for more harvest workers, He said to "go ye therefore." But He also says simply, "Follow Me."

If any man serve me, let him follow Me; 

and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve Me, 

him will My Father honour. 

John 12:26

I don't notice any specific ministries or mission-points mentioned in this verse. For some, "Follow Me" will mean "Go to the Philippines" or "Go to Iraq." For others, "Follow Me" will mean, "Be an orphanage worker" or "Reach out to those unloved and hurting." For yet others, "Follow Me" just might mean, "Stay single and serve with your family" or "Get a job and be a light there."

When Jesus says, "Follow Me," are we willing to give up our ideals of where the path may lead? Are we really willing to go wherever and do whatever?

Jumping Ahead

Waiting and patience: these could possibly be some of the hardest life lessons to learn. As believers, a large part of our waiting is not on simple things but on God’s timing. It does not matter what stage in life we are in: single, married, pregnant, with a home full of little kids, with a home of unmarried daughters, or other, there are times in which we are required to wait.

Part of waiting on God is in trusting Him – putting our full expectations, dreams, and desires in His care and leaving the results up to Him. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” (KJV)

Why do we need to trust God? “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9) God has His special plan for each of our lives, but to discover this plan, we must trust in Him, seek His face, and wait.

It is simple to say, “wait.” The struggle comes with the application. The tempter will use deceitful lies to entice us to jump ahead of God’s perfect timing. Our own excitement and emotions will also cause us to neglect to be still and wait for God’s leading. But what does God’s Word say? “Be still, and know that I am God:” (Psalm 46:10)

We have a choice to “wait patiently” or to “jump ahead.” There is a blessing or consequence depending on the choice we make.

Some of the blessings of waiting:

       God is good to us: “The LORD is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh him.” (Lamentations 3:25)

       It builds our trust in God: “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation: He is my defence; I shall not be moved.” (Psalm 62:5-6)

Some of the consequences of jumping ahead:

       Leanness of the soul: “They soon forgat His works; they waited not for His counsel: But lusted exceedingly in the wilderness, and tempted God in the desert. And He gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.” (Psalm 106:13-15)

       God will give us up to our own lusts:“But My people would not hearken to My voice; and Israel would none of Me. So I gave them up unto their own hearts' lust: and they walked in their own counsels.” (Psalm 81:11-12) and “They would none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof. Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices.” (Proverbs 1:30-31)

Is waiting worth it? Absolutely! Is waiting sometimes a struggle? Indeed! But I challenge you: “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” Psalm 27:14

Staying at Home

“What will you do after graduation?” This question is posed to all of us girls as we near the completion of high-school. Most people are slightly confused when the girls in my family leave them with the simple answer: “Stay at home.” Why stay at home when there is a world of possibilities before you?

Preparation for Life

From the very beginning of time, God planned for women to be a help-meet for men (see Genesis 2:18, 20). We see a very good example of what God intends for women to be in Proverbs 31. The “virtuous woman” depicted in Proverbs 31 is industrious, diligent, knowledgeable, teachable, wise, kind, and much more. If you take a close look at the verses that describe her (Proverbs 31: 10-31), you will notice that what a “virtuous woman” is capable of are not things that she learned from outside of the home, but from inside the home. If this is my ideal, why would I desire to get education or “experience” from college or the work force? God has given me the best teacher in the world – my own stay-at-home mother – why would I want to trade her for someone I have to pay tuition for?

Another very good reason for staying at home as a daughter is because I anticipate being a stay-at-home wife and mother, if the Lord allows (as Titus 2:3, 4 depicts,“[That] the younger women [be] . . . keepers at home . . .”). If I spend my single years working or attending college, then when I settle down to become a wife, I would be clueless in the management of my home!

Blessing to Family

Besides my personal gain in staying at home, there are others reasons why I stay at home. Because I stay at home, I can help my Dad, Mom, and siblings with their workloads. Staying at home past graduation has helped me to realize that life is not all about me and my desires but about serving and helping others. There are many verses in the Bible that point out how we should live our life for the benefit of others, and not just our own (“Let no man seek his own, but every man another’s wealth.” 1 Corinthians 10:24, “Let every one of us please his neighbour for his good to edification. For even Christ pleased not Himself. . .” Romans 15:2-3a). I have found that the best way to encourage my desire to serve is with my own family. If I cannot joyfully serve my family, how can I expect to joyfully serve a friend or a husband?

Fears about Staying Home

I am sure that there are those who are new to the idea of staying at home, and probably have questions and fears about it. The two biggest fears about staying home seem to be:

1) How will I ever find my husband?

I have decided to let God be the Author of my love story. I believe that in His perfect timing, He will send the perfect young man for me to be my husband, if it is His will. There are numerous examples from the Bible about God bringing two people together (Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebekah, Boaz and Ruth). I believe that the God Who wrote those love stories can do the same type of masterpiece in my life.

2) I will be in bondage!

I think that it is up to each girl to choose how they view staying at home. If we see it as bondage and a trial, it will be bondage and a trial! When I am tempted to have pity-parties about the things I miss out on while staying at home, I have to remind myself that life isn’t all about “me” (my fun, my desires) but others.

Ultimately, the greatest answer to both of these fears is realizing that if God has led me to stay at home, I know that He has done so for my benefit. One of my favorite passages is Proverbs 3:5-7, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.” When considering staying at home or any other aspect of life, I must trust God and follow His directions! If I lean on my thoughts or my finite wisdom, I will be led to do things that are contrary to God’s perfect will for my life. With God as my guide, I know that the path He leads me to take is the best path – even if the “path” is as simple as staying at home.

~*~*~

“Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”

Jeremiah 17:7-9