Did I do this Surrender Thing Right?

I’ve heard the stories all growing up, and I just heard one again: a girl graduated, longed to get married, struggled with her singleness, and nothing happened. She gave it over to the Lord, and almost instantly, there was a guy for her and they became engaged.

I believe the stories, I do. But there is a small part of me that says, “But God, didn’t I surrender the whole marriage thing before, and nothing happened?” And it makes me doubt the sincerity of my own walk with God. Maybe I didn’t really surrender. Maybe I was just going through the motions and didn’t really mean the words that bled in my heart.

Because when we hear glowing testimonies of these young girls who gave it all over to God and their dreams were answered, we (some who have been single for almost three decades) seem to have done something wrong while these young brides figured it out. I’ve surrendered the perceived need to have a boyfriend or be married dozens of times, and it has never resulted in God providing me a guy.

The bottom line is: that’s not how God works. What God does in one individual’s lives is not the pattern for what He will do in all people’s lives.

Just think of the love stories in the Bible. Rebekah and Isaac’s story was vastly different from Jacob and Rachel’s, which differed from Boaz and Ruth’s, which was different than David and Abigail’s (or David and Bathsheba’s—if we’re going to look at historical accuracy and not try to sanitize stories for our benefit).

Going beyond marriage, which two characters in the Bible lived the same life? Joseph followed God and it ended with him in a dungeon for years before he was second-in-command. Daniel followed God and he ended in the lions’ den. David followed God and it ended in kingship. Job followed God and it brought him through a time of great trial and temptation before he was restored that which he had lost. Paul followed God and he lived a life of persecution yet rich blessings from fellow believers (tossed in the midst of those who also abandoned him).

Following God will never be identical for two people’s lives.

2 Corinthians 10:12 exhorts us, “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”

To compare my path with another girl’s is to be foolish. To measure how I’m following God with how another person follows God is unwise. To hold up the “end results” of two people’s lives and realize they are different does not mean that one followed God right and the other did not. Because God has a greater purpose than what we can see with our eyes. He knows each and every heart and He knows each and every path. He knows what is best—and He also knows that what is best for one individual at one age is not what is best for another individual at another age.

My responsibility is to not look at the results and determine whether or not I followed God, because I don’t know what those results should actually be. My responsibility is to trust in God with all my heart, to lean not on my own understanding. My responsibility is to acknowledge God in all my ways—for then He directs my path. My responsibility is to not be wise in my own eyes, but to be sure that today I am fearing God and departing from evil. And when I am sure I’m doing my responsibility, I can trust God with all the results—because He’s promised to take care of His end of the deal.

If you’re the single who has truly and honestly surrendered to God’s will for her life, don’t be discouraged. God accepted that surrender and He is blessing you with the path of singleness—because He sees all your needs, not just your perceived need for a husband.

If you’re one of those girls who surrendered then God provided a husband, rejoice in how He has led you, but do not hold your life as the standard for everyone else to follow. Yes, they need to surrender, but if God doesn’t bless them with a husband at the end of their surrender, it doesn’t mean they did something wrong. It just means God has a different path for them to walk, different lives for them to touch, different roles for them to fulfill.

Trust God and leave the results up to Him.