By the end of summer, I will have spent over 50 days away
from home (if you include some nights I was home enough to sleep). However, the
weeks away from home were not what I was thinking of when titling this post.
Because there were many times that I was home
but not HOME.
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Image from freerangestock.com |
The summer progressed. On the days I was home (physically),
I had this "feeling" of unrest. Of something that just wasn't quite
right. Not in focus. Amidst the many revival and camp services I attended, no
one had that "instant formula" that revealed to me what was wrong.
I prayed about it on and off and slowly, in a faint way, it
seemed that the Lord hinted at a step I was to take. It didn't quite make sense to me and I couldn't really see how it was the "answer"
to my unidentifiable problem.
So, one week, with God's prompting and my parents'
encouragement, I took that small, insignificant step: a week off texting and
internet (other than some things "business" related). How it was
connected to my unrest I really didn't know. The first day passed and I don't
want to admit how much my thoughts went towards "Oh I should
text--oh...never mind..." or "Let me check on...oh wait, next
week..."
As the days passed I began to realize something: how did I EVER have time to text and be
online SO MUCH? I barely had enough time to keep up with everything! The
answer is simple: I didn't have time. I was stealing it from God and from my
family. You don't believe me? Without trying to exaggerate, here are some
examples:
*Awakens in morning*
*Opens Bible*
"My devotion time. I need to get it done so I can head
outside to help with the house. I wonder if __ replied to my question. What
free books are on Amazon today? I should be able to squeeze that in before I
head out."
*skims chapters*
"That was a bummer. Nothing really seemed to stand out
to me today. I feel so dry."
"Has it really been three weeks since I memorized a new
verse? I'll do that on my way to church this evening."
*Forgets to leave
phone (distraction) home*
*Heads to church and
back, catching up on texts*
"Aw man! I forgot again! I wasn't going to bring my
phone. I'll do it tomorrow."
*Another week passes*
"Amanda, what's for breakfast?"
"Did I really
forget about breakfast prep again (for
the fourth day in a row)!? How did that happen?"
*Me on device*
Ashlyn: Amanda, look at what I did...and you know what...did
you see...can you...and...
Me: Mmhmm...interesting...yeah...okay...no, I don't have
time to...
*Me on device*
*Kitchen getting
cluttered*
*Breakfast prep
forgotten*
*Irritability at
siblings or parents for asking me to do things that I knew I should do anyway
but just couldn't find the time to do*
*No time for projects*
You get the picture.
These are things that sneak in when we don't realize it and grab hold of our lives (I say
"we" because I have seen many other girls and women realize the same
thing in their lives). In the past year, my life has drastically changed. Some
of the changes have been subtle. Wifi. Facebook. Goodreads. Pinterest. Texting.
Yeah. Those things. All of which I have found to be very encouraging and useful
at times. But what was it Paul said? "All
things are lawful unto me, but all
things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be
brought under the power of
any."(1 Corinthians 6:12)
The Lord showed me that turning my time (unconsciously) to these
"other things" actually turned my focus away from Him and my home. By
taking a week's break there were two things I realized:
~I enjoyed my family. It was amazing how many little things
brightened my day! How many fun things I had time for. Like having a "date
night" with my youngest brother, teaching my younger sister how to eat an
halved orange ("How did you get to be ten without knowing how to do
this?!"), and listening to the chatter of one sibling after another.
Things which blessed me--and didn't feel at all like "interruptions"
of my day. And you know what? I rarely found myself using the excuse, "No,
I'm too busy..."
~After a few days away from distractions (note: it didn't
happen right away), my quiet, devotion life was enriched and my focus again
turned to the Lord. No longer was it a "task" to be done, but a time
of nourishment and guidance.
I know that I have been wordy and if you have read all the
way through this you deserve a high-five at the least. :) Why did I write it
all? Obviously not to applaud my failures or even small victories. But as a
challenge.
Is there something in your life that you need a break from?
Something that is pulling your focus away from God and your family? For me, it
was texting and internet. For you, it may be something completely
different--only you know. Why not prayerfully consider taking a full seven
days' break (or more!) and use that time to get refocused? Maybe, like me, you
will discover that it is a step needed to bring you back home.